Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
