i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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