Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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