You work out of a Hotel?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
