I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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