did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
