I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
