omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
