K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
