I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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