What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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