I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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