You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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