my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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