i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
