He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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