i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
