Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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