I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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