Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
