New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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