Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
