I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
