I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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