no, he came in my armpit
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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