my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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