Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
