what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
