return my video game
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
