By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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