I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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