1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
