I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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