We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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