May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
