marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
