im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
