But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
