just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
