Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can I color on your dick again?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
