Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
