OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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