From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
