So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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