I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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