You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
