You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
