That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
