i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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