I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
