just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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