Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
